Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
