so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
COCAINE IS GR8
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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