No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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