you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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