Umm I'm too high to move.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
