come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
