oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Randomize
