Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
