Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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