Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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