I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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