Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
