Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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