I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
