I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
