Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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