9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
