i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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