the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
