Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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