So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize