I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
