In the future we'll all be gay
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
