I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
