Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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