Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
