u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
