I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Randomize
