Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
