got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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