Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize