The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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