Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
