you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
