Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
