do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
