I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
not ubering you a puppy
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
