Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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