Can Purell be used as lube?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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