one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
