i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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