And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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