So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
