We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
