you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
