Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
