Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
