thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize