You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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