Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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