She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
