i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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