So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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