Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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