I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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