Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
