I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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