Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
