Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
