when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
