it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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