Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Randomize
