Your mouth is God's brothel.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
