Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
