i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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