I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize